The Smooth Handle

Every situation has two handles. Pick the smooth one and take back your time, your energy, and your control.

I woke up without needing my alarm, even though it was 6:30. I was up earlier than on weekdays because it was the day my son and I swim together. For the last few years, this has been one of my favorite moments each week. We get up early, we go to our local YMCA, and we swim.

Sometimes we do the lap pool, sometimes we do the recreation pool. There is not a hard schedule. What started as a weekly lesson to learn a critical life skill has become a weekly mom/son ritual. He passed his swim test in the first year, but we’ve kept going because we enjoy it. After we swim, we go to Chick-fil-A and enjoy an indulgent breakfast.

Needless to say, I was excited. I let out the dog and then woke my son. It was 6:52.

At 7:10, I checked in, “Hey bud, you getting ready?”

“Oh, I said I needed a few minutes.”

“Ok, it’s been twenty.”

7:15. 7:20. 7:25. 7:30.

“Hey bud, do you want to go?”

“Yes, I’ll be out in 5 minutes.”

7:35.

At this point, I’ve been waiting over 40 minutes. I swallowed my impatience. I told him I was leaving in five minutes. Not with anger, I just stated a fact.

And five minutes later, he was in the car, excited to go. And I was also ready to go...not frustrated, not annoyed, but excited.

We choose how to interpret the situation. I chose to take it by the smooth handle.

My son loves me, but he is a teenager. He is not acting this way to punish me. He stayed up too late and is slow to get started this morning. It has nothing to do with me. He wants to go swimming and we don’t need to get there early. We just have to get there before 8 am. So, what am I so mad about?

When I flipped my interpretation, I could move forward.

My son is soon to be in high school. I do not know how many more Saturdays I will get with him, swimming at the YMCA. I was annoyed, no doubt about it, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself to take this situation by the smooth handle.

How many times do you let the situation get the best of you?

Maybe you’re driving and it’s a lovely day out and then someone cuts you off... and you go from zero to sixty in an instant and it takes you another 30 minutes to calm down. Or maybe you’re at the airport, excited for the trip, and your flight gets delayed... and you’re so angry you forget you’re excited and it takes you an hour into your flight to finally let go of the knot in your stomach. Or maybe you’re at work and a customer decides to take his rough day and insult you... and you take it personally and feel angry until after dinner time.

When this happens, take a breath. Realize this thing that has happened is not some special punishment picked out for you. It likely has nothing to do with you.

Take it by the smooth handle. And take back your time, your energy, and your control.

Everything has two handles: one by which it may be carried, the other by which it can’t. If, for example, your brother treats you poorly, don’t grasp the situation by the handle of his injustice (or your hurt), for by that it cannot be carried. Instead, do the opposite. Grasp the situation by the handle of the fact that he is your brother, that you were brought up together, and thus you will lay hold of it by the handle that carries. -- Epictetus