18 months ago, a bridge that had connected two communities for more than 80 years, and served as the primary route I drove into and out of my neighborhood for 12 years, was demolished. The bridge had served its purpose and needed to be replaced. What could we do? Nothing. All we could do was accept it. But we had a choice in how we accepted it. We could have complained. We could have protested. We could have sent letters to our elected officials. We could have submitted opinion pieces to the Herald.

We decided that this was an opportunity. We lived in between two communities and for 12 years had predominantly headed one direction. What if we explored the other direction? So, we did that instead.

We looked for different things to do, for different places to eat, for different routes to get to the same places we needed to go. We discovered there is a bustling city to the east that we were largely avoiding. Once we embraced it, we found a better sense of belonging with this community. We started volunteering at the library, at the police department, even on some councils. We found we belonged on the east side just as much as on the west side. And we found that it wasn’t too hard of a mental shift. It made the next 18 months go much faster, and eventually, we were surprised that we could go west again.

How we accept our fate is a choice we each make.

I attended a neighborhood meeting several weeks before the bridge re-opened. At that meeting, the city planning office was sharing the good news of the planned re-opening. Most people seemed relieved. One person wanted to know why it took so long. She wanted to know if the city had done all it could to go faster. She kept asking. I could see that she hadn’t accepted this bridge closure. She hadn’t thought this could be an opportunity. All she could see was that something was being done to her and she was pissed about it. And even now, on the precipice of getting back the very thing she wanted, she couldn’t move forward. She still wanted to know why it was done the way it was done.

But the fact is, for most things, you will never fully understand why it happened the way it did. I find it’s much more important to understand that you can’t control the things you can’t control. And that the past is most certainly something you can’t control.

Standing on that bridge, I was struck by the permanence of it (this bridge will last 100 years) and the impermanence of it. In 100 years, other families will go through this same ordeal again. Who would you rather be? The person who appreciates the beauty of it when you’re traversing it? The person who gets to remember all the new discoveries you made while it was built? Or the person who still gets bitter when you see it, wondering why it had to last so long? It is your choice, which of those people to be.

It is within your control how you accept your fate.

“The willing are led by fate, the reluctant are dragged.” Cleanthes

There wasn’t a specific event or confrontation. Just a building frustration that had been quietly accumulating for about two months. The sense that we aren’t making enough progress. And if I’m being honest with myself, a fear that my boss will be disappointed when she gets back from vacation because we have little to show for it.

So let me be really honest. What I was actually feeling was a belief that sometime in the future, someone will be disappointed in me.

That’s not a problem. That’s a story I was telling myself.

And once I recognized it as a story, the Stoic question became obvious. What is actually up to me here? My boss’s reaction isn’t up to me. The pace of progress isn’t entirely up to me. What other people think of me isn’t up to me. This isn’t some special circumstance picked out especially for me. It just is what it is.

So, what is up to me? How I show up today.

For decades I’ve used a method I call GREAT to make sure I do that. On the hard days especially.

Grateful. Wake up and remember this day is a gift. It was not a certainty that you would make it.

Reflect. Journal about the day ahead. Write about your fears, the decisions you’re sitting with, that feeling you can’t shake. Free write. This is for you, so do your worst. Clear out the residue.

Exercise. Don’t think about it, just show up. After the first set you’ll start to feel better and by the time breakfast rolls around you’ll be seeing in full color.

Action. What are the two or three most important things you’ll do today? Write them down. Those are your wins. Complete them and you did a good day’s work.

Time. Decide now when you will turn off work and transition back to your life. Write it down and stick to it. Do not lose track of time and miss out on the most important part of your day.

That’s it. How do you make sure you have a good day? Do good things. GREAT is how I remind myself to do that every morning — including the morning after my worst day in two years.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor Frankl

If you want to do the challenging work that doesn’t show up on LinkedIn or look good in a 2x2 matrix, keep reading.

I’ve been a leader for 25 years. Seven of them I’d actually be proud of.

It started with a podcast on Stoic philosophy. I knew right away these weren’t just wise words. This was the medicine I needed to actually live my life.

Stoicism asks one foundational question: what is up to me and what is not? My title isn’t up to me. The economy isn’t up to me. What people say about me isn’t up to me. But my thoughts, my choices, and my responses are up to me.

The questions stoicism asks are uncomfortable. What story am I telling myself? Is that decision for my ego or for my team? Am I a good person? Am I helping others?

Those questions have no easy answers. That’s the point.

I’ve spent the better part of the last decade working through them. This is the next step along my path, to share it aloud. I’m not an expert, rather someone who found something useful and wants to pass it on. If something here is helpful, good. If it makes you think differently about something, even better.

“It is not the critic who counts... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly... who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” — Theodore Roosevelt